WHAT IS MARRIAGE ALIGNMENT?
“The problem they are having is that they aren’t in alignment.”
That’s what one married woman said as she pointed out the reason another couple was fighting so much.
As I watched the YouTube video of one of the couple’s heated exchanges, I thought about the lady’s presumptuous statement, and afterward thought, “Wow! That’s spot on… she’s right.” They were both turning their ears, eyes, and attitudes so far away from each other that they couldn’t really hear or see each other’s views on anything. And if they couldn’t hear or look at each other from their vantage point, they certainly couldn’t work together to find a mutual solution to the problems they were facing.
This couple’s marriage was out of alignment.
WHAT IS MARRIAGE ALIGNMENT?
We at JUST US LIMITED value the working definition that means you are living and loving in the same direction as your spouse. To phrase it a bit differently, this means you have taken the time and effort to align your core values and beliefs, vision for your marriage and family, and your passions with your spouse. When living and loving are headed down different roads, it will slowly start to take a toll on your relationship.
To understand why alignment is so important, think of it like this: imagine that you and your spouse are on a bike ride and you’re cycling side by side down a long road. You are enjoying the ride and the scenery, the feeling of the wind on your body, and at the same time you’re sharing thoughts and having a fun conversation with each other as you ride along. Now, this is obviously a shared journey. You are traveling together and you’re both heading for the same destination. Although you are on separate bicycles, you know that if you stay together, you’re going to reach the same place at the same time. Not only that, but you’re going to enjoy the ride even more because you’ve shared essentially the same experience together.
This is a great visual and explanation of a marriage in alignment. If you apply this scenario to your marriage, what does it look like for you?
Before I answer this question, let’s presume you and your spouse are still on bikes, but this time the scenario is different. This time, what do you think would happen if you both set off on the same bike ride, at the same time, from the same place, and intended to meet up at the same destination – but you weren’t on the same road? If one of you went off the track and down a different road, it would no longer be a shared journey, would it? Even if you started out together and agreed before you started as to where you would both end up, there are going to be all sorts of additional problems, misunderstandings, and confusions.
This is a great visual and explanation of a marriage out of alignment. If you apply this scenario to your marriage, what does it look like for you?
Now, I’d like to apply both scenarios to marriage and what it looks like to have a marriage in and out of alignment. Here goes…
Marriage is very much like a bike ride. It’s a journey where you need to stick together if you want to stay together. You must be for one another, not against each other. And the way you do that is by ensuring you are both on the same “journey” - always, and at the same time. Two bikes, but one route, one destination. Once one of you veers off the path, then it’s going to create problems for both of you. The rules have changed to both of you traveling together living and loving; assurances are gone.
At JUST US, we often say, “If one person wins and the other loses, you both lose.” Unfortunately, many couples stray, finding it difficult to stay on the same road. They think they’re going in the right direction and are both aiming for the same place – which is of course to be happy, loved, and secure with one another. However, they forget that their journey together is the most important part. It’s their marriage’s value-add to themselves and their family. Alignment in their marriage creates the life for them to be happy, loved, and secure with one another. Make sense?
Alignment in marriage doesn’t mean that the two of you must be uniform; that’s humanly impossible and boring. Remember this: variety is the spice of life. God created each of us as unique individuals, not cookie-cutters given to uniformity. So being uniform isn’t the objective of an aligned marriage, but UNITY is key! Unity represents the space in your marriage where the two of you are demonstrating that you are committed to living and loving simultaneously as you travel down the same road.
Alignment is clearly holistic in that it comprises your spiritual, mental, emotional, sexual, social, and relational journey as one.
Marriage should not be a daily battle where you and/or your spouse are stressed, frustrated, or powerless on an ongoing basis. This is way too much drama to live under. If this describes your marriage, it is likely that your marriage is out of alignment, and it’s time to seek professional support. We help you cultivate a marriage that is functional and healthy, or we help you individually become functional and healthy, even if your spouse opts out of couples coaching.
Here’s our contact information. Please call us. We want to journey with you: 832-856-0805; info@justuslimited.com.