Praying For My Marriage, Not Just My Spouse

Do you pray for your marriage?

Although I pray for my husband, I don’t always necessarily pray for my marriage; at least not consistently. But that is something I have changed recently. Just as God has an amazing plan for my marriage, the enemy has a plan to try to destroy it. This is why the Holy Spirit steered me toward not just praying for Kenneth but for our marriage. This distinction is important for us married people. One prayer is for our spouse, but the other prayer is for the marriage, spouse included. Marriage prayer begs us to lay before the Father our covenant to God and one another, our commitment to God and one another, and our love for God and one another. Marriage prayer covers everything. Spousal prayer covers the spouse. We need marriage prayer to succeed. Through focused and intentional prayer, we can spiritually build a hedge of protection around our marriage that the enemy cannot penetrate.

I don’t know about you, but I surely need that in my marriage!

Answers to our prayers may not come immediately or the way we want, but rest assured, they come. Jesus did not stop having "all power" after the transcription of Revelation. While we are trying to figure out why it is so hard and asking God to deliver us from this marriage, maybe our marriage challenges are God’s doing, and He is trying to get us to turn to him so that He can make something great out of our marriage.

When we pray, God is looking for us to share our deepest thoughts, worries, and joys with Him. We ask forgiveness for those areas that need to be improved. By praying with our spouse, we allow him or her to understand our deepest desires and concerns too. Those thoughts that we may not otherwise be able to share are now revealed. Revealing our thoughts are great. But I want to suggest another very important matter concerning prayer. Have you ever prayed with someone who interrogated you about it afterward? They couldn’t let it go even though you could. So annoying, isn’t it? Think about this annoyance when we pray with our spouse. I believe we must create a safe space for our marriage to be hashed out and celebrated to God. It can become testy when a spouse is praying over our shortcomings, and we hear it. So, make space for transparency when praying. Agree about being on one accord. Being on one accord doesn’t prevent us from occupying the opposite side of the matter. That’s okay! We just need to be clear about our objective to God. Our objective is we want Him to intervene wherever He chooses and in the way He chooses. He’s God who is worthy of us yielding the right of way to Him. For He knows what’s best for us and our marriage.

Oh, one more thing - be wise. Let’s not use the information we are privy to against our spouse or try to diagnose him or her through opinions.

What happens when our prayers go unanswered? What happens when the issues aren’t resolved?

We must continue to trust God until He gives us an answer. While we wait, we should continue to pray and seek spiritual direction from someone we trust. The Holy Spirit will speak to us in a myriad of ways as long as we’re open to His voice. Trust God. He’s trustworthy. He wants the best for us.

I’ve been the wife that has prayed for her husband in desperation. I’ve spent hours on my knees praying that God would give me direction, strength, and love for the man that my soul loved. I’ve cried out to God questioning why the very changes I was praying for weren’t happening. I’ve asked God why the promises that He gives in His word regarding marriage weren’t part of my life.

When changes aren’t taking place, we tend to give up. We stop praying. We say God isn’t listening, start to believe that He doesn’t care, think that we can make it on our own.

Instead, maybe we should ask ourselves this question. What if my prayer isn’t meant to change my spouse but me?

All too often we’re ready to pray that God would change our spouse’s actions and attitudes, but we don’t consider what changes we need to make ourselves. We fail to take a good hard look at us and beg God to change us.

Here are some things we can pray for our marriage. Pray that:

1. God will help us love our spouse more and be more patient
2. God will heal our childhood wounds that are affecting the marriage
3. God will teach us how to be the husband/wife He desires for us to be
4. God will help us see His will
5.  All of our spouse's Godly dreams will come true

Here is a prayer you and your spouse can pray over your marriage daily.

Heavenly Father, we come before you to thank you for all you have done and continue to do in our marriage. We want a stronger bond of unity in our marriage covenant. Will you give us the ability to be a united front so that nothing comes between us? Help us, Father, to identify and work through anything that is not pleasing to you so we can continually reach higher levels of unity in our marriage – spiritually, physically, and mentally. We are thankful and excited to see the work of your hand as we do our best to seek your face daily. We love you and thank you for all of these things. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen!