Long Live Romance and Intimacy

Staying up late scrolling social media to avoid intimacy with your spouse or pretending to be asleep isn’t good for your marriage. Being intimate with your spouse even though there’s a wedge between you two can be misleading. 

Deciding against having sex with your spouse until the matter is resolved or feeling better about your spouse before making love is wrong on more than one front. If you find yourself avoiding sex, you’re not alone. Many couples use sex as a punishment when there’s high stress in the marriage and/or when a spouse is hurting. 

Are you a newlywed who has been married for under two years? You are the envy of many: couples who have kids, who are getting older, and whose bodies and health are experiencing “diminishing returns” as well as empty-nesters who are not as sexually active as years past. They could envy your honeymoon spirit.

For the newlywed, I’m surprised you’re still reading this blog to glean relatable content for your fast and furious marriage stage. Enjoy your journey and be good to one another so that when you encroach on the other maritally mature stages, you’ll face them as a functional and healthy team.

Are you parents with kids still living in your house? You are probably addressing romance and intimacy concerns with your spouse. It’s inevitable. Being parents of kids make it harder to exit your parental chores with enough energy to a good lover for your spouse. Don’t blame the kiddos. They wouldn’t be in your life without the same sex you are toiling over in this season with your spouse. The good news is you can overcome parental fatigue to rekindle the spark of good love with your spouse. And you don’t have to wait until the kids are grown and out the house to do so. 

Are you empty-nesters who roam your house - just the two of you with free rein? You’re most likely in a season where sex isn’t as high a priority as romance is. Romance can be recharged in a unique way during the empty-nester stage. Think about it. You don’t have as many daily chores. You have full autonomy of your time. And the whole house is fair game for a new sexual encounter and scenery with your spouse. 

For everyone else besides the fast and furious honeymooners, be vigilant and positive on having a great sex life. Intimacy is key to having a functional and healthy relationship.

Here’s a great marriage tip for mature spouses. Remember that sex only satisfies your body - it’s romance and foreplay that satisfies the soul. We all can become better at satisfying our spouse from being a silly romantic who takes the scenic route in being a good lover. Make it a priority to schedule sex and weekly date nights as the antidote to sprucing up your marriage.

Did you know that marriage success and intimacy are largely intertwined? When intimacy is on autopilot or in park, issues ensue that can sabotage the love bond between you and your spouse. Also, no intimacy is like a fast-moving car without brakes; the consequences are dangerous.

Outcomes for no romance and intimacy can yield infidelity, lack of self-esteem, broken connection with a spouse, deep-seated resentment, separation, or divorce. If intimacy issues are cropping up in your marriage, take it as a warning sign that danger lies ahead. Take stock of things and work at resolving these intimacy issues. Enjoy your lives together. Why stay in a miserable marriage? No one should live like this. But don’t exit – be intentional in taking responsibility to make things better.

Did you know that fostering emotional intimacy provides stability to a sexless marriage? A good sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy and closeness. In other words, if you’re hoping to improve your sexual health, you need to work on your emotional connection. Focus on meeting your spouse’s needs and communicating your own needs in a loving, respectful way. Focus on fixing the broken areas of your heart and mind and be a champion of your spouse’s emotional needs. 

Here's another great marriage tip for mature spouses. Break up the routine and try new things as sexual needs change. You should have gentle, loving-tender, intimate, and highly erotic sex encounters. The variations can put your sex back into drive.

People have long bought into the Hollywood’s notion that sex has to be a big production with intercourse and orgasms every time. In reality, what’s most important to couples, especially to many women, is to connect and be intimate. Being intimate can be as simple as talking and cuddling or affectionately touching.

Remember that spousal intimacy is a part of God’s grand design. When the Apostle Paul, through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, penned the words of 1 Corinthians 7:3-4, it was revolutionary talk in the ancient world.

For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does, 1 Corinthians 7:3-4.

Patriarchal society readily said “yes” to the first part - that a man had authority over his wife’s body. But the second part - that the wife had authority over her husband’s body. Say what? That was radical thought back in the day. But if you read the Word, it’s there.

So tonight, ask your spouse to focus on “outercourse” things such as touching, massaging, kissing, and cuddling. And discuss the possibility of having these types of sessions without feeling obligated to have “intercourse.”

The main thing is to make your romance and intimacy connection with your spouse a priority. Think about what makes you feel close and what you enjoy sexually, and then ask yourself how you can create that with your spouse.