Dollars and sense: it’s important to take account for money matters

"Money is the root of all evil" is one of the most commonly misquoted Bible phrases. That’s not what the Bible says.

Some even misquote it to say that the lack of money is the root of all evil. Also not true – evil and dysfunction are not limited to the rich.

First Timothy 6:10 states, “For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.”

When one lists the major causes of strife in marital relationships, money is often at or near the top of the list. So often, one spouse is a saver and the other spouse is a spender. That combination can be a recipe for disaster. Couples have to learn to work together and it is possible.

To help pave the road to better marital finances and relationships, here's an accounting of a few of the most common financial issues that challenge married couples.

1. Should You Divide and Conquer?

Some spouses choose to split bills down the middle or split up who’s paying what bill. When those bills have been paid, each spouse can spend what they have left as they choose. It sounds reasonable to many but this can often breed resentment over individual purchases. It also mitigates spending power and long-term financial goals. Ultimately, it is a couple's choice as to what works for them, but we don’t recommend separate accounts and separate spending. Two become one - but they keep their bank accounts separate? And then what about contingencies – what if one spouse loses a job or has their hours cut back or any myriad of scenarios that affect earning power?

2. Debt

Is your spouse fully aware of your debt? Everything from credit card debt to student loans to car notes to gambling habits? Many people go into a marriage with some financial baggage. If one spouse’s debt is significant, that can pave the road for a troublesome journey. Please note that Texas is one of nine states in which all property (and debts) are shared after marriage regardless of individual or joint account status. In these community-property states, you are not liable for most of your spouse's debt that was incurred before marriage, but any debt incurred after the wedding is automatically shared - even when applied for individually.

3. Personality

What is your “money personality”? Are you a spender or a saver? It is important that you and your spouse know the way you operate with your finances. Of course, many of us can be all over the place and display both spending and saving characteristics at any given time. But be mindful of your bad spending habits and work on them. Hold one another accountable. And please remember that the wage-earner should not use his or her earning power as a license to run roughshod over their spouse.

The Bottom Line

The best way to handle such marriage stressors is with communication and honesty. Talk about your expectations, goals, and even your anxieties.

Lack of communication is the source of so many marital issues. It’s simple to say and diagnose but it can be hard to “fix.” That’s where the hard work comes in. The best way to be sure you and your spouse are on the same page with your finances is to talk about them regularly and honestly. Don’t attempt to talk it through when your frustration level is high or you’re in an crisis and without judgment.

Here are some questions that need to be answered. Ideally, these and other questions are asked and answered prior to marriage – but remember, it’s never too late:

How much money are you making right now and is your income sound and secure?

How much debt are you carrying and what are the ramifications of that debt, e.g., child support, alimony, etc.

Who manages the household budget?

Do you have an individual spending limit and when you pass that threshold, do you inform your spouse before making the purchase?

How much should you put into savings each month?

How much do contribute to church or charities?

Do you have a secret stash your spouse doesn’t know about? (We know mama said that was a good idea - but it’s not!)

It may be popular to say that money doesn’t matter but it does matter. Money can help bring a level of security, and it’s important in planning for the future.

On the flip side, money can hold a person hostage. Challenges with money are real, but good, honest conversations go a long way in breaking those particular chains.

If you’re committed to a relationship, you and your partner owe each other a calm, honest conversation about each other’s finances, habits, goals, and anxieties.